Monday, March 27, 2023
Mito City Proj.
Thursday, March 16, 2023
Some of our Struggles with a Teacher
Hey Peeps,
So, here in Japan, we are saying goodbye to our graduates. Schools start in April and end in March. As teachers, we are shuffled around the towns or nation, depending on the teaching program we're in, and have to say goodbye to our kids. That's what happened to me. This last April I was sent to another school to teach.
Now, what is cool about Japanese schools is that the old teachers send messages that are posted on a board for the graduating students to read. I love seeing that each year and it fills me with such joy and happiness. But,...
...what happens when you, the old teacher, don't send a message? It's expected of you, especially if you loved those kids. What monster doesn't send a message!?
...Me...of course. Why else would I be writing such a blog entry? (Who writes blogs anymore anyways?)
This year... It was tough, tougher than I expected. This was supposed to be the 'easy' year. The year I built myself up and fixed what needed to be fixed in me and my life. I went through a tough few years, but the worst was behind me...or so I thought.
And that's the thing. Life...is tough. We try to do our best, but sometimes we crumble instead. We survive the worst and fall apart when we thought we could finally hold ourselves together. We are human. We fight when we need to, then collapse from exhaustion. And, sometimes life comes in and kicks us when we are down. These kicks don't have to be...well, the hardest things we'd dealt with to make us fall. They just have to be well-placed and well-timed. Just landing where it stings the most.
This year, I collapsed at the finish line. I fought the good fight and fell short of the world's expectations. Now, I know what the kids will think. "I thought she liked us?" The parents, too.
...We may be teachers, but we are humans, too. I know I failed my former students...in many ways. They are my precious students and I didn't show them that on their special day. I can give them a thousand reasons, but...it doesn't change the fact that I fell down before their graduation.
I also know...I am not alone in feeling this guilt. I want to pass judgment on myself, much like someone else wants to pass judgment on themselves. I want to chastise myself for not upholding my social duties to my students, much like others want to chastise themselves.
Whether we're a teacher, a friend, a parent, sibling, or leader, we will fail. We will hurt our precious people. We cannot always make it up to them. So, now what?
We ask for mercy, grace, and forgiveness and acknowledge that it happened. Acknowledge our broken humanity. If we can't forgive ourselves, how can we forgive others and how can others forgive us?
So, don't be me. Don't bury yourself in your own guilt. Don't rip your heart to shreds. Don't try to inflict the pain on your own soul that you think others will feel from your mistakes. We are not the Great Equalizer; we can only do more damage.
Later Peeps.
Tuesday, February 21, 2023
Beginnings and Challenges
As the new year chugs into a new season, I am looking down the last bit of the tunnel before starting my life's dream: writing manga (Japanese comics). I always loved daydreaming and story-creation. I remember being in the bathtub as a young elementary student, whishing and washing in the waters for hours as I acted out adventures for my favorite Disney characters: Nala and Simba. Now, I am just shy of being 34 years old and have the adventures of my own characters waiting to unfold on paper.
It's scary starting a new adventure because it could fall flat. I could fail and my endeavors could be all for naught. Yet, here I am, finalizing some stuff for this series. I hope all goes well, but I won't know until the first of (hopefully) many chapters go up.
While I am looking at a new beginning, many of my students are also about to take a new first step. This step is into high school. This is where they will have their first firm step on the path of their choice career. Unlike US high schools, which are finishing up young souls' general education, Japanese high schools can have study paths tailored towards specific career fields. These aren't private schools, either. It isn't uncommon for public schools to have a STEM path or an Arts and Language path. Students have to start thinking about their career paths during junior high so they can study to pass the entrance exams into their preferred high school and start their future off on the 'right foot'.
...And here I am in my mid-30's without my foot in the door...yet. There is some pain behind those words, yet recognition that no one's path is the same. Some go into careers for money, others for later opportunities. And then, there are some who stumble into a career for better or for worse. Some paths start earlier than others', too. As one of my upperclassmen students said today, it isn't just the results that matter, the path is important, too.
So, what has been my path? Wide. Broad. And long. I never wanted to study Japanese. In junior high, I chose Spanish for my 8th grade elective. I had studied Spanish on my own for years and wanted to start my path down bilingualism as quickly as possible. Then, the week after I took the 8th grade Spanish 2 entrance exam, I found out that I had to take Japanese in high school due to some district transfer politics.
I cried upon hearing the news. I was in the car with my mom going somewhere (probably to Trader Joe's) and... I realized something then. Maybe...Japanese had a purpose in my life. Never considered taking the "world's hardest language" (as it was known amongst friends and high school teammates), but that didn't mean it wasn't going to be important to me. I just needed to see where it took me.
...Learning Japanese was the hard-...let me correct myself... is the hardest thing I have attempted. I am still learning it little by little. The second hardest challenge was learning to draw... Of course, two of my most difficult subjects would be integral to my dreams and become my majors in school. I even minored in two VERY DIFFERENT subjects to help support my movement forward in Japanese and art. My path has definitely been unique.
The further I traveled down my path after deciding to pursue manga, the more I recognized how intertwined Japan had been in my early life. Most of the shows I had watched were Japanese or had a large number of Japanese on the creative team. The games I had enjoyed were Japanese. The music I had come to enjoy was Japanese. Even one of the movies that was important to me and my maternal grandma was Japanese.
Then, there was the matter of a rather unique Japanese figure that piqued my interest in ~ you guessed it- Japanese history: the WWII-era Japanese diplomat to Lithuania, Chiune Sugihara. This man ended up saving thousands of Jews and millions of future descendants by writing visas for these fleeing Jews through Japan. This man was so unique in this era of history that I began researching Japanese historical culture to understand where that strength of his to oppose his country's allies came from. Spoiler alert: this strength wasn't from his cultural ties, but from his Christian beliefs.
I had studied this man in my 6th homeschooling WWII class. Years later, I would work (as a student volunteer) with someone who knew Sugihara's daughter and had invited her on multiple occasions to speak at his school. Then, I unknowingly attended Sugihara's alma mater during my year studying abroad. This man's strength... it has become my strength, though our paths are ultimately different.
...And yes, I maybe rambling a bit because my path hasn't been a simple one. It has been complex with many recurring themes and figures helping me move forward. So, yeah. It's taken me longer to get to the place I've been wanting to be, but I am at the cusp of it now. I can feel the cool, refreshing waters of that starlit pool of dreams and aspirations on the tips of my toes...
...Another one of my students had entered an English speech competition this year and gave an amazing speech. In this speech, she mentioned that age and dreams are not reliant on each other (I am paraphrasing). Age is only a number...Which reminds me of the American folk artist, Grandma Moses, who didn't even start her art career until her late 70's.
If you are like me, don't give up. I do- not- know- how many times I have heard that today from my upperclassmen students. They were giving and recording speeches for their juniors to see later, speeches inspired by one of Steve Jobs' speeches, speeches to inspire their juniors. And yet, they have inspired their teachers, too. So,...
.... Don't give up...
...Age is but a number...
...Your path is just as important as your accomplishments...
...And lastly,...
"Boys, Be Ambitious!"
~William S. Clark, April 16, 1877
To the students and staff of Sapporo Agricultural College (now Hokkaido University) before his departure.
Until then,
Later, Peeps!