Hey Peeps,
It's been about 10 years since I started this blog and the last few years have been slow... Last time I posted was 1.5 years ago.
I started this blog to chronicle my life abroad as a student, then tried to revive it for my time as a teacher. But, life can become muddled, which is what I want to share with whomever needs support. Sometimes knowing that others are fighting against their own struggles is all you need to keep up your fight.
So, where did I leave off at?
My grandma survived a near-death medical emergency. My injured thumb (I thought) was getting better. And I had plans to pick this blog up again... That went over as well as building a house out of toilet paper.
While my life now is much, much better than it was in 2020, I had to go through a lot last year. I understand that people have it a lot worse than me, but it still was a lot for me.
But, what did happen? ...Just about everything that could happen.
2021 started off with another health scare for my grandma as her body and mind was failing. She had quit eating and we were told once again that she could pass away at any time. ...Then she kept living.
Meanwhile, one of our church friends went into the hospital and never came back out. Also, my favorite childhood singer passed away, as well.
Then, March came and went. I was supposed to move schools under our program's year-limit per school; however, my school had been crowned as a model school in English in our region of Japan and was heading into their final preparations for a huge open-class and research project. I had spent that prior year in and out of various open-classes, or what we call 'observations' and had been in the middle of this project. For this reason, I was given an extra year at my school...
...Life was looking up...until....
I couldn't fall asleep on Easter night. That week was the start of the new school year and our cute little first graders would be welcomed into the school with a big 'Entrance Ceremony', a highly prestigious ceremony that every Japanese school holds each year in April.
As I berated myself for not 'being adult enough' to go to sleep on time, my mom called- in the middle of the night-. The timing told me everything I needed to know.
Grandma had passed away.
She had been an elementary school teacher for about 40 years, teaching almost exclusively the cute little first graders whom she adored. Needless to say, last year's Entrance Ceremony was incredibly special to me. I made sure to attend, despite taking the rest of the week off to grieve.
Dealing with deaths in your family or circle of friends is difficult. I handled the death of my friend in February differently than my grandma's because my friend's was fairly unexpected. My grandma's death, though, was a relief in many ways. Thanks to Covid, I couldn't go home for the funeral (which was postponed to Cinco de Mayo). That was a choice that ....I wouldn't have been able to handle well. My hand was still messed up, I needed vacation days if I were to try getting another opinion of the injury, I didn't know when my grandma's funeral was going to be....the list of variables goes on. Simply put, having no choice but to skip the funeral was a mental relief. Plus, I had survived one of my worst expat fears-losing family while abroad.
Grandma's timely passing also freed up my mind for getting my thumb re-evaluated. In February 2017, I had hit my hand snowboard and had severe. irregular chronic pain. I knew what activities would spike the pain, but could never predict when it would start hurting...
While my grandma was still alive, I felt that, by seeking treatment for thumb, I would be forced to choose between the treatment and seeing my Grandma one last time...except she passed away before I could see her again. It still hurts admitting that, but God knew I needed treatment. Grandma's passing couldn't have come at a better time.
That month I crawled back to the only hospital in town with a hand surgeon, a place from which I had already sought multi-week treatment twice, and was nearly sick with the fear of never finding the cause of my pain.
....And that was the start of my new school year. Yay.
The rest of the school year just escalated in stress and busyness. I spent from last May to this February going to the hospital. My head English teacher and I started on the final observation's preparations at the end of May, which included a prefectural 'test' observation in July and the real thing in late October. Going into that final observation, we had a month of online classes thanks to Covid and had no prior training in online teaching.
Regarding that October observation, oh my gosh, we had to rework our lesson plans daily due to the online classes, Covid regulations, crazy expectations, the works.
I also found out that two little bones in my thumb (called sesamoids) were swollen and would have to be removed so I could heal. I had that surgery in late November, just over a month after my school's final English observation.
Christmas came and went with the outpouring of all my pent-up stress and tears, then we hit the ground running with school's final trimester of the year. As I was (finally) drawing up nearly a hundred magnets for my 6th graders' grad presents, classes went back online for a month, then we had graduation and the announcements for our leaving teachers... I found out less than a month ago that I was being moved to another school...well, thanks Japan for a whole two-weeks to finish up my 6th grade presents and make teachers' going away gifts (which I never got to make...)
But, God is gracious and knows what we need. While my old school had become my family, I recognize that I needed to reset and start fresh elsewhere.
As is the tradition, us leaving teachers had our goodbye ceremony at school on March 31st, only to turn around the next day on April 1st and start at our new schools (what a joke!)!
A turbulent finish to a turbulent chapter of my life.
When life gives you lemons, it's hard to figure out how to handle all these lemons. That struggle only gets magnified when you live overseas in a place where your mother tongue isn't used much. So, sometimes it feels that you have big plans for how to utilize all these lemons, only for more lemons to show up... 1 step forward, 2..3 steps back.
It's natural to be overwhelmed. It's natural to feel lost or even crazy over your life's struggles. It is hard to keep fighting, but nothing will be resolved if you quit.
My advice? Firstly, figure out your emotional patterns and tendencies. Knowing these will help you to know when to rest and what triggers certain emotions. You will learn how to effectively and more healthily cope with the stresses.
Secondly, ...honestly. Trust God. In Genesis 50:20, Joseph, who hand been sold by his brothers and struggled to keep moving forward, said,
As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.
Because Joseph was sold into slavery, he was given the opportunity to oversee the provision collection and distribution for a severe drought.
The Bible also states in Isaiah 41:13,
For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it it I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you."
As the Bible clearly states, God intends for good, not for harm. So, when things go south, we can still find important experiences, growth, and lessons from the tough times. Seeking these out gives meaning to our suffering!
Romans 5:1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the Glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our suffering knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
God has known that tough situations can build us up if we choose to have faith in Him.
I still have dreams to further expand this blog, but I need to be patient with the Lord, for He knows what I need to do first.
Until then,
Later Peeps!
